…Consequently, we need to take time to develop interest and skills in handling “what I want”, “what you want “and “what we want”. Here are the common deal breakers:
Negotiation: This doesn’t mean settling for less than what we really want. It means understanding our individual needs and finding a place of synergy. It’s implies using a more effective approach to create a win/win situation. Its means tying our individual desires to time and value. Losing time in what we want doesn’t mean we have lost the value of that thing. Its just about finding whose want/needs should be a priority considering time and all that.
It’s not bad in developing interest in what your spouse likes instead of playing the antagonist especially if value, integrity and fun are not compromised. Being a fan of the same club isn’t a bad idea although you had a different opinion before you started this relationship or watching football in the pub where you find calibers of people to argue, scream, and stretch opinions and stuffs could be much fun rather than being glued to your HDTV at home alone. Don’t take away fun out of your daily routine, else life will move from functional to dysfunctional.
Compassion: This is the direct opposite of competition for me.
Relationship competition can wreck havoc between couples. It creates self centeredness. It emphasizes our goals and enhances our skills often to the detriment our significant relationship. I once had a friend who saw me like a business opportunity. Every time we meet was an opportunity to sell something or get something from me. I avoided him like a plague, until one day I had to confront him on the issue. He regretted and opted for a change. Good for him.
Compassion is the skill or ability to accurately experience the thoughts and feelings of another plus the desire to do whatever is necessary to help in times of distress. Another word for compassion is empathy. Be deeply and truthfully concerned about people needs as you help solve them.
Communication: I consider this a very important if not the most important ingredient of relationship. Communication always by ways of complaints definitely leads us cul de sac, weakening our relationship. While complaints may be true, are they kind and necessary? Applying healthy means of solving a need energizes a relationship. Always make it a priority to keep the communication lines open. Do it calmly, express your grievances gently and constructively. You don’t need to colour riot your displeasure to score a point. Communication helps you evaluate where your self worth emanates. Some use Career to boost their self worth, some their family. Assess where your relationship really focuses on at the moment; list your personal accomplishments as your try to give it a prime place. Strike a balance between family and career. Your family needs you to enjoy the proceeds of your career and vice versa
Recommitment: Recommit yourself to your marriage and relationship every single day. Share your day to day experience, this brings people together and make them bond easily. No emotional state remains the same. Listening is a virtue we must cultivate, it’s a learnable skills. Listening to hear what your spouse is not saying because people change overtime and to keep up with these changes you must have updates on the activities that shape one another. People work on the cars, houses and clothes on a regular basis and just as things needs regular constant attention to thrive.
Do your own thing: take responsibility and stop trying to fix your partner. People are who they are, they are not piece of clothes you can hem or a furniture your can fix. The more you spend time trying to change your spouse, the less time you have in improving yourself. When you spend quality time in changing yourself, the dynamics of your relationship changes automatically. Remember people subconsciously begin to mirror the people they spend the most time with. And it happens for good as well as for bad. Figure out what strengthen your relationship and begin to play to them. Verbalize your relationship object, appreciate, return the favour, say I’m sorry, say I love you, say thank you, commends all good intention and return the favour. Love languages must be expressed as you play to your strength. Quality time, affirmative gift, sense of touch and These are the simple things in life we forget.
Double up: make out time to invest in a romantic part of your relationship. Make a date night a regular event. Build also spiritual root. There is a lot spirituality can handle that the above mentioned will never be solved. Spirituality mops up emotional weakness, secures the future occurrences that would have destroyed a healthy relationship. Ever wondered why wonderful and robust relationship bursts. I’d tell you it’s more of a spiritual influence than physical incompatibilities or other considerations. Spiritual depths control the thing we cant or don’t have power over. Spirituality gives us depth and protection over evil that counters people effort for growth and development. Go deeeeeep!!!
Build reflexes to handle situation. Responses in your subconscious can only be handled when we create a balance between your conscious mind and everyday routine. This lifestyle will make you a better person you were yesterday. What ever is done well is well done.